Just The Best Punchlines… No Jokes Needed

PunchlinesWhy waste time listening to a long-winded joke?
Here are the best punchlines: (How many of the jokes do you know?)

· Finding half a worm.
· Its People! Soylent Green is people!
· Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?
· Not enough sand
· I’ll have whatever she’s having!
· I thought you said goat!
· I’m a frayed knot!
· A stick
· How he got into my pajamas I’ll never know
· New Jersey got to choose first.
· so I bit him
· Time to go to the dentist
· First Base!
· I said … read more...

September 19 is International Talk Like A Pirate Day, So Here Are Some Pirate Jokes!

PirateA pirate with no p… is irate!”

(PCM) International Talk Like a Pirate Day is celebrated every September 19. It was created in 1995 by John Baur (Ol’ Chumbucket) and Mark Summers (Cap’n Slappy), who decided that on September 19 every year that everyone in the world should talk like a pirate.

Getting humor columnist Dave Barry in 2002 on board gave the holiday more gravitas.

It has been recognized by The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, easter eggs online, and has been mentioned on several TV shows, has many and even a language option on Facebook. (you can change your language at the bottom of your facebook page)

To commemorate the event, here are a few dozen (arrrr-guably funny) Pirate Jokes:

If you don’t understand these jokes, it’s probably because English or Pirate aren’t your first language.

Why are pirates called pirates?
…because they Arrr!

Who tries to steal ‘fool’s gold’?
A pyrite!

How much did the pirate pay for his earrings?
A buccaneer!

What do you call a happy pirate?
A jolly roger!

What has eight legs and eight eyes?
Eight pirates!

How did the pirate stop smoking?
He used the patch!

What did the pirate say at the golf course?
I may tee.

First sailor: I know a pirate with a wooden leg named Smith!
Second sailor: What’s the name of his other leg?

When is a pirate like a bird?
When he’s a-robbin’!

What’s a pirate’s favorite kind of cookie?
Ships Ahoy.

What did the young pirate say when told that he wasn’t allowed to cuss?
Daaarrrrn!

A pirate goes to a doctor, worried that the moles on his back might be cancerous.
The doctor inspects them.
“It’s ok,” he says. “They’re benign.”
The pirate replies “Check ‘em again matey, I think there at least be ten!”

Who gets all their movies for free?
Pirates!
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The 47 Rules Of The Internet

RulesThe Rules of The Internet, circa 2007:

1. Do not talk about /b/
2. Do NOT talk about /b/
3. We are Anonymous
4. Anonymous is legion
5. Anonymous never forgives
6. Anonymous can be a horrible, senseless, uncaring monster
7. Anonymous is still able to deliver
8. There are no real rules about posting
9. There are no real rules about moderation either – enjoy your ban
10. If you enjoy any rival sites – DON’T
11. All your carefully picked arguments can easily be ignored
12. Anything you say can and will be used against you
13. … read more...

Chris Brown Has Some Advice For Ray Rice

(PCM) Sway Calloway sat with Chris Brown on MTV News and brought up the subject of the reaction Ray Rice is dealing with after the video of him punching his wife (then fiance). The event happened last February, and the Baltimore Ravens kicked him off the team, while the National Football League suspended him “indefinitely.”

Chris said: “To Ray, or anybody else — because I’m not better than the next man — I can just say I’ve been down that road. I deal with situations and I’ve made my mistakes too, but it’s all about how you push forward and … read more...

Topless Picture of Jennifer Lawrence

JlawTopless Picture of Jennifer Lawrence – CelebGate 2014

Picture by CoSMiiCBLaST

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