Happy Birthday Eartha Kitt!

Happy Birthday, Eartha Kitt! (January 17, 1927 – December 25, 2008)
Eartha Mae Kitt was an American actress, singer, and cabaret star. She was perhaps best known for her highly distinctive singing style and her 1953 hit Christmas song “Santa Baby”. Orson Welles once called her the “most exciting woman in the world.” She took over the role of Catwoman for the third season of the 1960s Batman television series, replacing Julie Newmar, who was unavailable for the final season.

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Thanksgiving Facts, Traditions & Trivia

Thanksgiving Facts, Traditions & Trivia

In 1863, Abraham Lincoln, declared the last Thursday of November to be a National Day of Thanksgiving. The fourth Thursday in November was officially sanctioned by Congress as a legal holiday in 1941, under President Franklin D. Roosevelt.

TDayThe ‘Thanksgiving” event that the Pilgrims had included about fifty Pilgrims and ninety Wampanoag Indians. The Indians may not have been invited per se, but came to see what the celebration was all about, and were welcomed in.

The Pilgrims took their religion very seriously – if the Thanksgiving was actually a religious event, they probably would not have let the Indians (non-Christians) join in. A religious event would have mostly involved praying all day – not celebrating.

The first Thanksgiving probably actually took place in early or mid-October of 1620 -but it was not an annual event for the Pilgrims. Some Texans claim the first Thanksgiving in America actually took place in little San Elizario, a community near El Paso, in 1598, and at the Berkeley Plantation near Virginia’s James River, claims the first Thanksgiving in America was held there on December 4th, 1619.

Unlike today’s feast consisting of turkey, stuffing, sweet potatoes, cranberry, etc – the original Thanksgiving menu probably consisted of the following items: duck, venison, fish, lobster, clams, berries, fruit, pumpkin, and squash. The pilgrims weren’t really prepared for baking, and didn’t have access to butter, etc, so they did not have pies at the first Thanksgiving.

‘Turducken’ – deboned turkey, duck and chicken nested inside each other then cooked is popular with many families.

Being held on a Thursday, often with no work on Fridays for white collar employees, the extended four day weekend is often a time for families to gather together – the Saturday after Thanksgiving is often a time for high school, college, or locals reunions.

Many people blame the turkey for the sleepiness after the big meal, but chances are it is the trimmings, carbohydrate-rich sides and desserts that allow tryptophan into the body that cause the need for a nap.

The Wednesday night before is actually one of the biggest nights of the year for bars and nightclubs, matching and sometimes surpassing St. Patrick’s Day for consuming alcoholic beverages. Sadly, that also adds to the statistics that say that US deaths spike over Thanksgiving.

Today’s traditions often include: pre-meal snacks, the children’s table, NFL football, scheduled with traditional rivals, radio stations begin playing Christmas music, The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade (televised nationwide), The Dunkin Donuts Parade (in Philadelphia, a continuation of the first Turkey day Parade, started in Philly in 1920) – the Parade is also the official introduction of Santa Clause for the Holiday Season.

Another tradition is ‘making a wish’ – breaking the wishbone of the bird, often between a senior and junior member of the family.

Often families take advantage of the time together to play games – indoor and outdoor, and make plans for Christmas. Outside of the distractions of television, it is a popular time to ‘get to know’ other family members better. It is often a good time to learn about the family tree.

Thanksgiving is also the prelude to Black Friday, named because it is one of the biggest shopping days of the year – and the day (hopefully) retail businesses make a significant profit.

Things best not discussed on this day: politics, religion and family gossip.

Recent presidents have pardoned turkeys in the days before Thanksgiving. 2014’s lucky duo (officially pardoned and the alternate) were Cheese and Mac. Both came from Cooper Farms in Oakwood, Ohio. Prior pardoned birds were:
1999 – Harry
2000 – Jerry
2001 – Liberty
2002 – Katie (the first pardoned female turkey) and Zack
2003 – Stars and Stripes
2004 – Biscuit and Gravy
2005 – Marshmallow and Yam
2006 – Flyer and Fryer
2007 – May and Flower
2008 – Pumpkin and Pecan
2009 – Courage and Carolina
2010 – Apple and Cider
2011 – Liberty and Peace
2012 – Cobbler and Gobbler
2013 – Popcorn and Caramel
2014 – Cheese and Mac

Abraham Lincoln actually spared a turkey named “Jack” from becoming the main dish in the Presidential holiday meal.

The obligatory Thanksgiving Joke:
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, ‘Do these turkeys get any bigger?’

The stock boy replied, ‘No ma’am, they’re dead.’

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November 25 in Pop Culture History

November 25
1792 — The Old Farmer’s Almanac first published by Robert B. Thomas. He added “Old” to the title in 1832 because there was so much competition in the Farmer’s Almanac business.

1920 — The Philadelphia Thanksgiving Day Parade is the oldest in the US, starting on this date.

1937 — World’s Fair of Paris (Exposition Internationale des Arts et Techniques dans la Vie Moderne — International Exposition dedicated to Art and Technology in Modern Life) closed, with 31.2 million visitors.

1940 — Woody Woodpecker debuted with release of Walter Lantz’s “Knock Knock.” He was actually the antagonist to Andy Panda (already established character) in the cartoon.

1947 — The ‘Hollywood Ten’ consisting of Alvah Bessie, Herbert Biberman, Lester Cole, Edward Dmytryk, Ring Lardner Jr., John Howard Lawson, Albert Maltz, Samuel Ornitz, Adrian Scott and Dalton Trumbo were cited for contempt of Congress for refusing to give testimony to the House Committee on Un-American Activities

1959 — “Once Upon a Mattress” opened at Alvin Theater New York City. The play was written as an adaptation of the Hans Christian Andersen fairy tale The Princess and the Pea.

1963 — John F. Kennedy was laid to rest at Arlington National Cemetery. The flags in Arlington National Cemetery are flown at half-staff from a half hour before the first funeral until a half hour after the last funeral each day.

1973 — Maximum speed limit was cut to 55 MPH as an energy conservation measure.

1979 — Pat Summerall and John Madden broadcasted a NFL game (Vikings vs Buccaneers) together for the first time.

1984 — Band Aid which was founded by Bob Geldof to help raise money to assist famine stricken Ethiopia, recorded the single ‘Do They Know It’s Christmas’ in a London studio. The group included Adam Clayton (U2), Phil Collins (Genesis, solo), Bob Geldof (The Boomtown Rats), Steve Norman (Spandau Ballet), Chris Cross (Ultravox), John Taylor (Duran Duran), Paul Young, Tony Hadley (Spandau Ballet), Glenn Gregory (Heaven 17), Simon Le Bon (Duran Duran), Simon Crowe (The Boomtown Rats), Marilyn, Keren (Bananarama), Martin Kemp (Spandau Ballet), Jody Watley (Shalamar), Bono (U2), Paul Weller (The Style Council), James Taylor (Kool & The Gang), Peter Blake (credited as ‘sleeve artist’), George Michael (Wham!), Midge Ure (Ultravox), Martin Ware (Heaven 17), John Keeble (Spandau Ballet), Gary Kemp (Spandau Ballet), Roger Taylor (Duran Duran), Sara (Bananarama), Siobhan (Bananarama), Pete Briquette (The Boomtown Rats), Francis Rossi (Status Quo), Robert ‘Kool’ Bell (Kool & the Gang), Dennis Thomas (Kool & the Gang), Andy Taylor (Duran Duran), Jon Moss (Culture Club), Sting (The Police), Rick Parfitt (Status Quo), Nick Rhodes (Duran Duran), Johnny Fingers (The Boomtown Rats), Boy George (Culture Club), Holly (Frankie Goes to Hollywood), Paul McCartney (The Beatles, Wings) and David Bowie .

2009 — Wikileaks — Information about 9/11 attacks on the World Trade Centre and the Pentagon were distributed online, with more than 500,000 intercepted pager messages, mainly from US officials posted by wikileaks founder, Julian Assange.

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Just The Best Punchlines… No Jokes Needed

PunchlinesWhy waste time listening to a long-winded joke?
Here are the best punchlines: (How many of the jokes do you know?)

· Finding half a worm.
· Its People! Soylent Green is people!
· Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?
· Not enough sand
· I’ll have whatever she’s having!
· I thought you said goat!
· I’m a frayed knot!
· A stick
· How he got into my pajamas I’ll never know
· New Jersey got to choose first.
· so I bit him
· Time to go to the dentist
· First Base!
· May I mambo dogface to the banana patch?”
· Officer, you have donut breath!
· He must be fine, he stopped yellin’ yesterday
· Tooth-hurty
· and THAT’s why the angel sits on top of the Christmas Tree
· Elvis Parsley
· I saw the last guy coming back with watermelons!
· My face and yer butt· Dang! I mean your face and my butt! yeah.
· Where did my ice collection disappear to?
· Because 7 ate nine!
· You can tune a piano, but you can’t tune a fish
· Don’t cry, its only a joke!
· Aren’t you glad I didn’t say orange?
· Sure, let me hold your monkey.
· So the Tooth Fairy said “Twenty Bucks, same as in town”
· You know the rules, no arms no cookies.
· OK, you’re ugly too!
· because it is to far to walk
· Wheee!
· then you are a mile away and he has no shoes
· OK, I give up, where’s the boat?
· Why the long face?
· Because it was stapled to the chicken.
· Tomato Paste! (that always cracks me up!)
· So did I. I just didn’t think he’d do it again.
· I’m talking to the dummy!
· Then it would be a chicken sedan!
· I guess blond guys aren’t too smart either.
· Those aren’t pillows!
· You can’t use a pitchfork to unload a truckload of bowling balls.
· To get to the second hand shop!
· The Aristocrats!
· Noone expects the Spanish Inquisition!
· “Hey lady,” said the parrot, “You know”
· A Puppy!
· You don’t bury survivors!
· The (Generic Funny Minority) would stop and ask for directions.
· Bubble Gum
· Neither, they both weigh a ton!
· It was all in one string.
· Sitting down.
· It tastes just like a Spotted Owl, your honor.
· I have turtle recall
· Recked ‘em? Darn near killed ‘em!
· A Penny!
· All of Ken’s stuff.
· silence!
· “Put the Frosted Flakes back in the box”
· It was stapled to the chicken
· Does this taste funny to you?
· Nothing
· You have a sprained finger!
· under where?
· He wanted to see time fly
· “I can tell from here that you’re not eating right!”
· Take my wife, PLEASE!
· 37!
· Time to get a new fence
· A newspaper
· She ran away from the Ball!
· He made his own lunch!
· Will 60 gallons be sufficient?
· You pull the pin and throw it back!
· A beer and a mop!
· I’m pregnant.
· I was talking to the duck

On the other hand, sometimes you need a story to go with the punchline:

A couple years back, there was a stereotypical outcast boy in high school. It was his senior year, and he had never been to a dance with a girl. As the Senior Prom was coming up, he promised himself that he would finally ask a girl to a dance. “He wasn’t going to go through high school without ever going!” he promised himself.

So one day, he awkwardly shuffles up to his crush in the hallway, and mumbles out an invitation to the prom. To his complete surprise and delight, she readily agrees. He was going to the prom! With a girl!

He drives home, and excitedly tells his mom all about it. But wait! He doesn’t know what to do to get ready! So his mom tells him that first, he has to go rent a tuxedo.

He drives to the tuxedo shop, and there’s already a bunch of guys there. The line is huge, and wraps around the building. So he waits in line for hours and hours, but eventually get in, gets fitted, and is sent on his way.

A couple of days before prom, and he’s talking to his date on the phone. She mentions that she always dreamed of taking a limo to prom. A limo! He immediately rushes out to the limo company to see if he can rent one for prom night. There’s a big line inside the lobby. He waits for hours and hours, and finally gets up to the front desk. He’s in luck! He’s able to rent the last limo available.

The day of the prom comes. His mom is helping him get ready, and asks him where the flowers are for his date.

Flowers?!?! He didn’t know he was supposed to get flowers! He rushes out the door, and speeds over to the florist. Oh no! There’s a big line! He waits for a long time, but is able to get the flowers, and rushes back home just in time for the limo to arrive.

That night, he’s on cloud nine. He’s got his tux, his flowers, the limo, and his date. Everything is going well, and they’re dancing, and talking, and laughing. Eventually, they take a break from the dancing, and go to the snack table to grab a bite. His date eats a couple of potato chips, and then starts coughing, then choking!

She needs help! He rushes over to grab her a drink at the punch table…

And thank God, there was no punch line!

Just The Best Punchlines… No Jokes Needed was contributed by a Myth

September 19 is International Talk Like A Pirate Day, So Here Are Some Pirate Jokes!

PirateA pirate with no p… is irate!”

(PCM) International Talk Like a Pirate Day is celebrated every September 19. It was created in 1995 by John Baur (Ol’ Chumbucket) and Mark Summers (Cap’n Slappy), who decided that on September 19 every year that everyone in the world should talk like a pirate.

Getting humor columnist Dave Barry in 2002 on board gave the holiday more gravitas.

It has been recognized by The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, easter eggs online, and has been mentioned on several TV shows, has many and even a language option on Facebook. (you can change your language at the bottom of your facebook page)

To commemorate the event, here are a few dozen (arrrr-guably funny) Pirate Jokes:

If you don’t understand these jokes, it’s probably because English or Pirate aren’t your first language.

Why are pirates called pirates?
…because they Arrr!

Who tries to steal ‘fool’s gold’?
A pyrite!

How much did the pirate pay for his earrings?
A buccaneer!

What do you call a happy pirate?
A jolly roger!

What has eight legs and eight eyes?
Eight pirates!

How did the pirate stop smoking?
He used the patch!

What did the pirate say at the golf course?
I may tee.

First sailor: I know a pirate with a wooden leg named Smith!
Second sailor: What’s the name of his other leg?

When is a pirate like a bird?
When he’s a-robbin’!

What’s a pirate’s favorite kind of cookie?
Ships Ahoy.

What did the young pirate say when told that he wasn’t allowed to cuss?

A pirate goes to a doctor, worried that the moles on his back might be cancerous.
The doctor inspects them.
“It’s ok,” he says. “They’re benign.”
The pirate replies “Check ’em again matey, I think there at least be ten!”

Who gets all their movies for free?
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The 47 Rules Of The Internet

RulesThe Rules of The Internet, circa 2007:

1. Do not talk about /b/
2. Do NOT talk about /b/
3. We are Anonymous
4. Anonymous is legion
5. Anonymous never forgives
6. Anonymous can be a horrible, senseless, uncaring monster
7. Anonymous is still able to deliver
8. There are no real rules about posting
9. There are no real rules about moderation either — enjoy your ban
10. If you enjoy any rival sites — DON’T
11. All your carefully picked arguments can easily be ignored
12. Anything you say can and will be used against you
13. Anything you say can be turned into something else — fixed
14. Do not argue with trolls — it means that they win
15. The harder you try the harder you will fail
16. If you fail in epic proportions, it may just become a winning failure
17. Every win fails eventually
18. Everything that can be labeled can be hated
19. The more you hate it the stronger it gets
20. Nothing is to be taken seriously
21. Original content is original only for a few seconds before getting old
22. Copypasta is made to ruin every last bit of originality
23. Copypasta is made to ruin every last bit of originality
24. Every repost it always a repost of a repost
25. Relation to the original topic decreases with every single post
26. Any topic can easily be turned into something totally unrelated
27. Always question a person’s sexual prefrences without any real reason
28. Always question a person’s gender — just incase it’s really a man
29. In the internet all girls are men and all kids are undercover FBI agents
30. There are no girls on the internet
31. T*TS or GTFO — the choice is yours
32. You must have pictures to prove your statements
33. Lurk more — it’s never enough
34. There is porn of it, no exceptions
35. If no porn is found at the moment, it will be made
36. If you’ve thought of it, then there’s somebody out there with a fetish for it
37. You can not divide by zero (just because the calculator says so)
38. No real limits of any kind apply here — not even the sky
41. Desu isn’t funny. Seriously guys. It’s worse than Chuck Norris jokes.
42. Nothing is Sacred.
43. The more beautiful and pure a thing is — the more satisfying it is to corrupt it
44. Even one positive comment about Japanese things can make you a weaboo
45. When one sees a lion, one must get into the car.
46. There is always furry porn of it.
47. The pool is always closed.

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