“A pirate with no p… is irate!”
(PCM) International Talk Like a Pirate Day is celebrated every September 19. It was created in 1995 by John Baur (Ol’ Chumbucket) and Mark Summers (Cap’n Slappy), who decided that on September 19 every year that everyone in the world should talk like a pirate.
Getting humor columnist Dave Barry in 2002 on board gave the holiday more gravitas.
It has been recognized by The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, easter eggs online, and has been mentioned on several TV shows, has many and even a language option on Facebook. (you can change your language at the bottom of your facebook page)
To commemorate the event, here are a few dozen (arrrr-guably funny) Pirate Jokes:
If you don’t understand these jokes, it’s probably because English or Pirate aren’t your first language.
Why are pirates called pirates?
…because they Arrr!
Who tries to steal ‘fool’s gold’?
A pyrite!
How much did the pirate pay for his earrings?
A buccaneer!
What do you call a happy pirate?
A jolly roger!
What has eight legs and eight eyes?
Eight pirates!
How did the pirate stop smoking?
He used the patch!
What did the pirate say at the golf course?
I may tee.
First sailor: I know a pirate with a wooden leg named Smith!
Second sailor: What’s the name of his other leg?
When is a pirate like a bird?
When he’s a-robbin’!
What’s a pirate’s favorite kind of cookie?
Ships Ahoy.
What did the young pirate say when told that he wasn’t allowed to cuss?
Daaarrrrn!
A pirate goes to a doctor, worried that the moles on his back might be cancerous.
The doctor inspects them.
“It’s ok,” he says. “They’re benign.”
The pirate replies “Check ’em again matey, I think there at least be ten!”
Who gets all their movies for free?
Pirates!
Why didn’t the pirate get hungry when he was left on a desert island?
Because of all the sand which is there!
What do you get when you cross a pie and a rat?
A Pie Rat!
How much did the pirate pay for his hook and peg leg?
An arm and a leg!
What do you call a shaking pirate ship at the bottom of the ocean?
A nervous wreck!
Why do pirates always bury their treasure 18 inches below the ground?
Because booty is only shin deep!
Pirate walks into a bar, bartender says, “hey, did you know there’s a bounty on your head?”
Pirate replies, “No, that’s just a napkin.”
or the variant version:
Pirate walks into a bar, bartender says, “is that a napkin on your head?”
Pirate replies, “No, it be a bounty.”
What be a pirate’s favorite way of listening to music?
He buys them on ayeTunes with his ayeMac and puts them on his ayePod!
Which side of a pirate’s parrot has the prettiest feathers?
The outside!
What do you call a pirate that skips school?
Captain Hooky!
Whats a pirate’s favorite part of a birthday party? Da-Balloons!
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels!
What’s a pirate always looking for, even though it’s right behind him?
His booty!
A pirate walks into a bar… bang!
Curse you eye patch and your side effect of poor depth perception!
The 79-year-old pirate stayed up all night to celebrate his impending transition to octogenarian.
At midnight, his best mate asked, “arr, be it yer birthday?”
And he replied, “Aye, matey”.
How did the pirate learn how to read?
“Hooked” on phonics!
Why is pirating addictive?
They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked!
What do pirates wear in the winter?
Long Johns!
What does a pirate with heartburn say?
Arrrr, me hearty!
Pirate 1: Arr, did you know I’m part Native American?
Pirate 2: Oh really, What tribe?
Pirate 1: Eye-patchy!
What’s the smelliest part of a pirate ship?
The poop deck!
What does the Pirate Santa Claus say at Christmas?
Yo-Ho-Ho-Ho!
Why couldn’t the pirates play cards?
The captain was standing on the deck!
What is a pirate’s favorite cereal?
Cap’n Crunch!
Why did the pirate cross the sea? To get to the other tide!
What do you call a pirate with no eye?
A prate!
What did all the pirates say to the last pirate to come to the party?
Ahoy Latey!
What did the pirate say when his wooden leg got stuck in the freezer?
Shiver me timbers!
What happened when Redbeard the Pirate fell into the Blue Sea?
He got Marooned!
Doctor: What happened to your leg?
Pirate: Lost it to a shark, now I’ve got me peg…
Doctor: What about your hand?
Pirate: Lost it in a sword fight, now I’ve got me hook…
Doctor: What about your eye? What’s with the patch?
Pirate: Dust in me eye… First day I had me hook!
What goes thump-thump Arr!, thump-thump Arr!?
A pirate falling down the stairs!
What do ye say to a pirate with one leg?
Hop aboard, matey!
What did the pirate hit in golf?
Parrrrr!
What do you get if you cross a cat with a parrot?
A carrot!
How did the pirate know he found land?
He was shore of it!
The pirate went to a movie that was rated “arrg.”
Why? Because of all the booty.
What has five eyes, ten ears, and five legs?
Five pirates!
Why do pirates take so long to say the alphabet?
They get stuck at “c” for months.
How do you measure a pirate’s intelligence?
With an Aye-Q test!
Why was the pirate’s butt so big?
He kept stealing everyone’s booty!
What did the pirate say to the jokester?
Aye, walk the prank!
Why do all pirates have eyepatches?
Chuck Norris.
Why didn’t the pirate get hungry when he was left on a desert island?
Because of all the sand which is there!
What do ye call a black Pirate?
A ‘Pirate’, ye racist scoundral!
What’s a Pirate’s favorite letter???
The C! (You thought it was R didn’t you…)
On a scale from 1-10 I rate cherry pie an 11!
-The famous “pie rate” joke!
To err is human. To ARRR is pirate.