Things That Happen In Movies, but Not Real Life

Things That Happen In Movies, but Not Real Life

There are some things that are standard plot devices for movies, like stopping a wedding, cars won’t start when you are being chased and choosing which brightly colored wire to cut to stop the big LED timer on the bomb…You have parades that the villain, or sometimes the hero, can get lost or hide in. If a movie involves High School or teenagers, there is a character to match every kid in The Breakfast Club. If a girl or guy are socially awkward or seem unattractive, all they have to do is take off their glasses, muss up their hair, and they become the hottest person in the room.

Socially, there are things that never happen in real life…
People kiss in the rain. Crowds all know the same dance steps, even for brand new songs. If a person picks up a phone, there’s barely a hello and NEVER a goodbye. The wardrobe, especially for women, is always different and amazing. You can jump in any cab and say “Follow That Car!”, and they will. Plus, you never have to count the money when you pay the cab driver, whatever cash your reach for in your pocket is plenty, including the tip.

Everybody Goes Shopping…
The grocery bag should have a loaf or two of french bread sticking out of the top, or, for those with a gluten allergy, carrots or celery on top. If they are carrying the bag outside, it will rip open and the shopper will encounter either the hero or the villain, pretending to be a friend. If they visit a bar, either fancy or a dive, a simple request for a generic beer gets a mug right away. There are no brands unless that brand is paying for product placement.

The News in Movies
No matter how big or small the news story, the radio or TV in the background will be announce much needed information just in time for the protagonist(s) to make a decision, on the  if it in some way moves your story along. Then you have your horror films- typically kids, and typically warned ahead of time about the dangers, they do everything they can to make it easier for Jason or Michael Myers to end their appearances in the movie.

Movie Crime Scenes…
The crime scene will involved unfinished food, crooked picture frames and a broken household item. DNA results come back in just a few minutes, or a few hours if the script demands it. The best motivation a detective can get to solve a crime is to suspended from the force. Also, every crime investigation requires visiting at least one strip club.

Movie Physics…
Air Vents that enable a grown man to climb anywhere in a building, usually with tools. A single match can light up any size room. In movies, cars and trucks are VERY flammable. Any time someone uses a microphone, there’s feedback, which almost never happens in real life. Regarding hacking into billion dollar companies and governments, on-screen heroes and bad guys can do it in seconds, with three, four password tries tops.

Movies At Home…
Beds come with L-Shaped sheets and bedspreads to keep a lot of morning and late night scenes rated PG. Also, if a father has son or daughter less than 10 years old, that parent will forget the child’s birthday. Mothers will make a full breakfast every morning – bacon, eggs, pancakes, and her family won’t have time to eat it.

Movie Fight Scenes…
If you hit a good guy in the head, whether with a vase or an anvil, it will just knock the person unconscious, with no long or short term effects. Three bad guys with machine guns have zero change against a hero with a pistol running through a room. In action fight scenes, when they outnumber the hero, they always, very considerately, wait to fight the good guy one at a time, two might approach if the good guy has a weapon of some kind. When there are more than a dozen antagonists, the hero may even end up with a small cut. That’s called Stallone’s Law.
Also, in spite of how they look, dumpsters are great to fall into, or just hide from the villains.

Danger in Films…
If you are in a shootout, and you run out of bullets, just throw away the gun. If anyone on the good guy team has someone they care about at home, you know they’re a goner. Even worse, if they are close to retirement, unless they are planning a sequel, that person will not make it to the film’s finale. Once you and your cohorts have devised a plan, you will walk forward, in unison, shoulder to shoulder, filling the screen.

The Bathroom…
First, if it seems empty, check the stalls. If there are people in there, they are probably talking about you and the conversation will turn to silence. If the hero walks into a bar or party uninvited, there is also a good change that the music will stop playing, conversation will cease and the crowd will stop and stare at them. On the other hand, I have said things in a social setting that stopped the music from playing and caused everyone to stare at me, so that movie trope is probably true.

When in France…

The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris. Also characters will visit The Louvre and Ca Plane Pour Moi by Plastic Bertrand will play in the background while they rush through it.

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